Existential Drift

Today, I started reading "Conquering Depression & Anxiety Through Exercise" by Keith Johnsgard. Interestingly enough, my slight depression and anxiety tendencies flared up after studying for and completing the Washington State bar exam this July. That experience was so stressful that I anticipated stress-related issues during the study period, rather than after. However, with regular exercise and a relatively healthy diet during the study period, along with the regularity provided by the study schedule, I felt great!

It was only after the exam that I began feeling overwhelmed. How do I take the few years of experience I got during law school and turn that into a resume that will catch the eye of an employer during this awful economy? There are several paths I could attempt to follow - and each path has a host of options and decisions to make. Sigh. That tangent is for another post. For now, I'll return to the inspiration for this post, "Existential Drift."

In Dr. Johnsgard's book, he writes about a phenomenon that he has documented among long distance runners. Existential drift is "the here-now awareness of self and just the bare essentials of one's most immediate world." He notes that runners report experiencing existential drift conditions on trails, or on routes where they do not need to heed traffic, pedestrians or other distractions. I have experienced existential drift and its benefits. It is the reason I keep running, since my roommate Deb suggested I run a marathon back in 2002. 

Currently, I am frustrated with the running routes available to me around my house because I can't seem to disengage from distractions sufficiently to reach that state of existential drift. I know what it is like to suddenly realize a few miles have gone by since I last checked - that is existential drift. Yet, since I moved here in May 2009, I painstakingly check my watch or mental checklist of how much longer I am running. Is this a function of physical or mental distractions?

In some cases, the mental distractions were the culprits. Thinking about job issues, financial issues related to unemployment or family dynamics tend to distract my running. Other times, crossing the road, impending hills or greeting neighbors distracted me. I still haven't found a reliable running route in the area and I still prefer running from home during the week. In any case, I am quite glad to have a term for the state of mind I have achieved on former favorite routes - Existential Drift.