There are talkers and there are doers in life. We all know that. It is easy to think of extreme examples of both, flaws glaring as they get in the way of their own progress. From the "doer" carpenter whose grains don't run together to the "talker" carpenter whose beautiful plans never come to fruition.
I fall closer to the "talker" end of the spectrum, to my chagrin. Don't get me wrong - I have moments of "doer" life. I love to run, wrestle, be "on the go" and get out of the house in general. I complain if I have to sit still for too long and I can be counted on to follow through with my commitments.
However...when left to my own devices, I can become absorbed by planning. I plan the grocery list based on recipes that I never cook. I plan to draft articles, essays and books that I never write. I think up exercise routines and map out running routes that are still waiting for my footfall.
As with everything else in life, finding the balance is the sticking point. Well, I suppose I will go DO something now... ta ta!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
A touch of late night.
I stick to a pretty regular schedule, even though I am currently looking for employment. Thus, I am not often up late at night. However, tonight I had caffeinated soda with my dinner and am now unable to fall asleep. I have been meaning to write a post about my thoughts on self-discipline and have been putting it together in my head.
Self-discipline is such a loaded term, to me. It holds respect, fear and myriad other emotions for me. I have had self-discipline in the past and I have some self-discipline now, but it is lagging. I recently read that self-discipline should be viewed as a gift that you give yourself. That is, by adhering to your own goals, you are allowing yourself to realize your dreams. Is there any better way to live?
Yet, employing self-discipline on a daily basis can be difficult for me. For instance, I recently got connected to a writing gig that I am really excited about, connected to some great people through a local organization I volunteer with and I need to put out some resumes for restaurant jobs to get me by while I continue my job search for a lawyer job. As single, individual steps, these tasks are not overwhelming. However, I often feel exhausted or miserable when I take steps toward fulfilling my own goals in relation to each activity. My spiritual beliefs guide me to pay attention to my feelings - what am I really feeling? Is it a lack of self-discipline, a lack of self-confidence, or something else altogether? Am I merely allowing my anxiety over the future to dominate my thoughts to the point that I paralyze myself in the present?
As I ponder these questions, I keep waiting and trying to relax. Usually, if something is bothering me, I can relax and trust that I will reveal the real instigator. The real "pea" under the princess's bed.
Generally, I worry that I am putting my energy in the wrong activity. As if there is a "right" activity I should do to realize a job that pays...or a job with meaning and satisfaction (hey - a woman can dream!).
Well, I'll turn to my current novel, "From Here to Eternity" now. Hopefully I'll be able to drift away at some point.
good night!
Self-discipline is such a loaded term, to me. It holds respect, fear and myriad other emotions for me. I have had self-discipline in the past and I have some self-discipline now, but it is lagging. I recently read that self-discipline should be viewed as a gift that you give yourself. That is, by adhering to your own goals, you are allowing yourself to realize your dreams. Is there any better way to live?
Yet, employing self-discipline on a daily basis can be difficult for me. For instance, I recently got connected to a writing gig that I am really excited about, connected to some great people through a local organization I volunteer with and I need to put out some resumes for restaurant jobs to get me by while I continue my job search for a lawyer job. As single, individual steps, these tasks are not overwhelming. However, I often feel exhausted or miserable when I take steps toward fulfilling my own goals in relation to each activity. My spiritual beliefs guide me to pay attention to my feelings - what am I really feeling? Is it a lack of self-discipline, a lack of self-confidence, or something else altogether? Am I merely allowing my anxiety over the future to dominate my thoughts to the point that I paralyze myself in the present?
As I ponder these questions, I keep waiting and trying to relax. Usually, if something is bothering me, I can relax and trust that I will reveal the real instigator. The real "pea" under the princess's bed.
Generally, I worry that I am putting my energy in the wrong activity. As if there is a "right" activity I should do to realize a job that pays...or a job with meaning and satisfaction (hey - a woman can dream!).
Well, I'll turn to my current novel, "From Here to Eternity" now. Hopefully I'll be able to drift away at some point.
good night!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Coal Miners Need New Jobs
While reading this article I was shocked to find that people are actively against green jobs, are actively supporting moutain-top mining and are proud of their role in another person's resignation. It all goes to show how inconsistent the typical political blowhard is (of either persuasion).
The article reports that at the rally in West Virginia, Sean Hannity bragged about his role in Van Jones's resignation as Obama's green jobs czar and forecast his duty of harassing future green jobs czars until they resign, too. Yet, the event was arguably about helping coal miners keep their jobs. So, Hannity is proud of working to put one person out of work? It doesn't make sense, but Hannity never seems to let that stop him.
Overall, I was most affected by the third generation coal miner who pointed out that for people who work in a city "there's other options" - but no other options exist for him. This makes sense to many small town folks whose jobs depend on the industry in town, be it farming, onion ring manufacturing or coal mining. Environmental policy should include some job training or other initiatives to help coal miners re-employ as it continues to close down coal plants.
Ah, a girl can dream...
The article reports that at the rally in West Virginia, Sean Hannity bragged about his role in Van Jones's resignation as Obama's green jobs czar and forecast his duty of harassing future green jobs czars until they resign, too. Yet, the event was arguably about helping coal miners keep their jobs. So, Hannity is proud of working to put one person out of work? It doesn't make sense, but Hannity never seems to let that stop him.
Overall, I was most affected by the third generation coal miner who pointed out that for people who work in a city "there's other options" - but no other options exist for him. This makes sense to many small town folks whose jobs depend on the industry in town, be it farming, onion ring manufacturing or coal mining. Environmental policy should include some job training or other initiatives to help coal miners re-employ as it continues to close down coal plants.
Ah, a girl can dream...
Existential Drift
Today, I started reading "Conquering Depression & Anxiety Through Exercise" by Keith Johnsgard. Interestingly enough, my slight depression and anxiety tendencies flared up after studying for and completing the Washington State bar exam this July. That experience was so stressful that I anticipated stress-related issues during the study period, rather than after. However, with regular exercise and a relatively healthy diet during the study period, along with the regularity provided by the study schedule, I felt great!
It was only after the exam that I began feeling overwhelmed. How do I take the few years of experience I got during law school and turn that into a resume that will catch the eye of an employer during this awful economy? There are several paths I could attempt to follow - and each path has a host of options and decisions to make. Sigh. That tangent is for another post. For now, I'll return to the inspiration for this post, "Existential Drift."
In Dr. Johnsgard's book, he writes about a phenomenon that he has documented among long distance runners. Existential drift is "the here-now awareness of self and just the bare essentials of one's most immediate world." He notes that runners report experiencing existential drift conditions on trails, or on routes where they do not need to heed traffic, pedestrians or other distractions. I have experienced existential drift and its benefits. It is the reason I keep running, since my roommate Deb suggested I run a marathon back in 2002.
Currently, I am frustrated with the running routes available to me around my house because I can't seem to disengage from distractions sufficiently to reach that state of existential drift. I know what it is like to suddenly realize a few miles have gone by since I last checked - that is existential drift. Yet, since I moved here in May 2009, I painstakingly check my watch or mental checklist of how much longer I am running. Is this a function of physical or mental distractions?
In some cases, the mental distractions were the culprits. Thinking about job issues, financial issues related to unemployment or family dynamics tend to distract my running. Other times, crossing the road, impending hills or greeting neighbors distracted me. I still haven't found a reliable running route in the area and I still prefer running from home during the week. In any case, I am quite glad to have a term for the state of mind I have achieved on former favorite routes - Existential Drift.
It was only after the exam that I began feeling overwhelmed. How do I take the few years of experience I got during law school and turn that into a resume that will catch the eye of an employer during this awful economy? There are several paths I could attempt to follow - and each path has a host of options and decisions to make. Sigh. That tangent is for another post. For now, I'll return to the inspiration for this post, "Existential Drift."
In Dr. Johnsgard's book, he writes about a phenomenon that he has documented among long distance runners. Existential drift is "the here-now awareness of self and just the bare essentials of one's most immediate world." He notes that runners report experiencing existential drift conditions on trails, or on routes where they do not need to heed traffic, pedestrians or other distractions. I have experienced existential drift and its benefits. It is the reason I keep running, since my roommate Deb suggested I run a marathon back in 2002.
Currently, I am frustrated with the running routes available to me around my house because I can't seem to disengage from distractions sufficiently to reach that state of existential drift. I know what it is like to suddenly realize a few miles have gone by since I last checked - that is existential drift. Yet, since I moved here in May 2009, I painstakingly check my watch or mental checklist of how much longer I am running. Is this a function of physical or mental distractions?
In some cases, the mental distractions were the culprits. Thinking about job issues, financial issues related to unemployment or family dynamics tend to distract my running. Other times, crossing the road, impending hills or greeting neighbors distracted me. I still haven't found a reliable running route in the area and I still prefer running from home during the week. In any case, I am quite glad to have a term for the state of mind I have achieved on former favorite routes - Existential Drift.
Death Panels Galore
My good friend Millie forwarded me this article from the New York Times Op-Ed section: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/09/opinion/09dowd.html?_r=1&em. Maureen Dowd wrote the piece.
I appreciate Dowd's perspective and think this is a good article (finally she is back to thoughtful pieces, for a couple of years her writing was consistently loony!).
However, I disagree with a lot of the article. I, too, have been disappointed that Obama has not been more insistent on gay rights and a public option, typical "liberal" complaints identified by Dowd. Yet, I can't help but see that Obama's tactics have some nuance to them that might be beneficial in the long run, for U.S. politics. By not responding to "death panels," he let the Republican/conservatives run out enough rope to form a noose. Even most conservatives now see that "death panels" was an inflammatory tool.
I am very concerned that the health care reform will be complete crap - but I can tell you that I was worried about that since I started studying health law in law school - there really is no great savior for health care - even a public option could fail. So, again, Obama's tactic of making Democrat legislators hash this out, is really not a bad idea. Ultimately, he needs these legislators to put themselves out on a limb for the programs, in order to ensure they will continue to fight to fund the programs after the initial legislation has past. A Dem who was scared into voting for a bill is less likely to support it in 1, 2 or more years; but if that Dem works and fights for the bill - her constituents will know it, her colleagues will know it and she is more likely to keep fighting for it over time. Thus, that gives whatever passes a better chance of achieving long-term change.
I do wish Obama and the Dems would form a bloc that would reject corporate money for campaigns - at least from corporations with an interest in the health care bill. I know it is scary to campaign with less money, but I really think the level of corporate involvement in both sides of the aisle is hamstringing healthcare reform more than the ideological blowhards on Fox (or MSNBC...there are some there, too).
Corporations are entities that shield individuals from financial risks, should they really be allowed to enjoy 1st Amendment rights? Aren't they more of a fiction than a person?
I appreciate Dowd's perspective and think this is a good article (finally she is back to thoughtful pieces, for a couple of years her writing was consistently loony!).
However, I disagree with a lot of the article. I, too, have been disappointed that Obama has not been more insistent on gay rights and a public option, typical "liberal" complaints identified by Dowd. Yet, I can't help but see that Obama's tactics have some nuance to them that might be beneficial in the long run, for U.S. politics. By not responding to "death panels," he let the Republican/conservatives run out enough rope to form a noose. Even most conservatives now see that "death panels" was an inflammatory tool.
I am very concerned that the health care reform will be complete crap - but I can tell you that I was worried about that since I started studying health law in law school - there really is no great savior for health care - even a public option could fail. So, again, Obama's tactic of making Democrat legislators hash this out, is really not a bad idea. Ultimately, he needs these legislators to put themselves out on a limb for the programs, in order to ensure they will continue to fight to fund the programs after the initial legislation has past. A Dem who was scared into voting for a bill is less likely to support it in 1, 2 or more years; but if that Dem works and fights for the bill - her constituents will know it, her colleagues will know it and she is more likely to keep fighting for it over time. Thus, that gives whatever passes a better chance of achieving long-term change.
I do wish Obama and the Dems would form a bloc that would reject corporate money for campaigns - at least from corporations with an interest in the health care bill. I know it is scary to campaign with less money, but I really think the level of corporate involvement in both sides of the aisle is hamstringing healthcare reform more than the ideological blowhards on Fox (or MSNBC...there are some there, too).
Corporations are entities that shield individuals from financial risks, should they really be allowed to enjoy 1st Amendment rights? Aren't they more of a fiction than a person?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Funky
This blog was supposed to be an opportunity for me to write about once a day without parameters or expectations. Of course, I am constantly imposing or considering parameters and expectations. Such as, "Is that a professional topic?" or "Maybe you should double check your grammar before posting anything..."
So, today I am posting my doubts about ever settling down on a style or direction for this blog and serious doubts about its longevity. Alas, these doubts mirror the doubts I have about my legal career.
So, today I am posting my doubts about ever settling down on a style or direction for this blog and serious doubts about its longevity. Alas, these doubts mirror the doubts I have about my legal career.
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